Being a parent involves supporting and educating your children in more facets than can ever be quantified. We need them to be loved and safe but not smothered. Develop them into strong young people but not over teach them to the point of inhibiting independence. Not only give directions and outlines but also show by example what an adult looks like in practice. Few things can display these parenting principles more than standing up for your child when it is appropriate.  

The most significant initial aspect is determining when it is an appropriate time to step in. Deciding when a line needs to be drawn for action is a skill that our kids need to separate irrational confrontation and assertive self-defense. Showing your child that you can identify and address a serious situation without using unregulated emotional outbursts sets the foundation of what adult problem solving looks like. In turn, it is equally important to identify the issues that can simply be handled by controlling ourselves or how we choose to view a problem. I personally feel that many young people are stressed to excessive levels because of their inability to differentiate between what requires action toward others and what requires action to ourselves. Once that line is decided is when real adulting begins. 

When we do step in to support or defend our kids, we are doing more than simply being protective. There is an example being displayed of confidence, resilience, and self-reliance. You are showing your child what it looks like to accept appropriate confrontation for an issue of principle. I have had times when I discussed meetings with school officials or other perceived authorities with adults and they are completely against the idea of questioning authority even if they believe the authorities are wrong to an unacceptable level. That psychology sets a dangerous precedence for our kids that leads to being suppressed and abused in social situations for the rest of their life. Be the hero role model that your kid thinks you are and show them how to be strong. 

I have always felt that problem solving and assertive versus aggressive behaviors are among the most success inducing skills as an adult. If done properly, that is exactly what we are teaching our kids when we go to bat for them. Solving problems as an adult involves managing the responses of others to produce the best outcome. That is where respectful assertiveness comes in as so vital. Most do not respond well to aggressive approaches and that does not help solve problems. By being as polite as possible while assertively addressing the problem, we display charisma and fortitude as tools to be used as a confident adult. There is also an additional element that is often overlooked, success. 

The most supportive and developmentally helpful thing that your kids see is that when the problem is solved, they understand that standing up for something works. They grow up in an environment where they experience the success of assertive problem solving. Nothing creates more comfort in addressing issues confidently than being around people that do it your whole life. Children mirror our character and personality in more ways than we like to acknowledge, and we certainly want the things that they copy to be beneficial in their lives. Whether they are standing up for themselves or for someone else they can be assured that it is not only morally valid but can succeed if done right. 

So, if you are a parent that has trouble with confronting people or think that standing up for your kids is being overprotective, please take a moment to consider the possibility that they may need to experience the positive example. We cannot expect our little ones to grow up to be successful adults if we do not occasionally show them what it looks like to address conflict and adversity. One day our kids will be looking down at theirs and passing on generational knowledge. I hope that they all have these lessons in their toolbox. 

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