Most veterans do not realize the respect and support they have in their community. When you step out and participate, there is a completely different reception compared to sitting at home interacting online. The local veteran is symbol of duty and commitment to the greater good. You are perceived as an experienced human that should be taken seriously. The only thing that can alter that perception is how you choose to present yourself and act in public. So, this goes out to the guys caught up by the dysfunctional veteran crowd that want something better and to be something better.
Who am I to judge or lecture? Well, I have been there. I have pretty severe agoraphobia, social, and trauma issues. At one point I was majority nonverbal for almost a year while requiring headphones when going out to avoid overstimulation. Between my brain injuries and ASD I had very low functioning social skills with a heavy dose of paranoia. I did not enjoy my life in that state, and I needed to find a way out of it. I had a long trial and error, but I am going to pass on what worked for me and others over the years.
The beginning is working on that agoraphobia and hiding at home. I know that it feels like a safe comfortable place, but the truth is that it is smothering you and you are losing human interactive skills a little more every day. It just starts with finding one place and beginning to go there whenever you feel capable. For me, it was the gym. A nice environment where you do not have to talk or interact if you do not want to. You can completely zone out into your own world and no one will think there are any issues with it. There are other reasons to pick the gym, but we will get there later. You will be exposed to socialization and you will be progressively working comfort outside into your safe places in your head.
As time goes on in that outside place you will begin to feel at home there and be more willing to do tasks associated with that place and socialize with the people there. That socializing is especially important. You will be socializing in a healthy community environment instead of simply having depressed DV humor with guys that are also self-outcast. If you are committing to a training program or a hobby, then you should start developing a new sense of purpose and respect from those observing you. I cannot possibly express how significant purpose and respect are for a vet transitioning back into the world. Now that you are feeling it, embrace a responsibility to earn and develop it further.
You have reached a place to start becoming an example to others. Train hard and intelligently. Get a healthy diet and transform your physical and mental health. Believe it or not, most people expect veterans to be in good shape. When you are a fit, healthy veteran people want to talk to you. Not for war stories or penis jokes but to have someone they look up to give them advice or support. Few things feel as good as being a swole vet in your 30s or 40s and young dudes at the gym want your advice. Trust me, they will not just ask about how to bench. They will ask you every imaginable kind of life advice like you are their long-lost big brother. So, embrace it and get that sense of comradery and community that you have been saying for years that you miss from the military.
You are fit, relatively stable, and have learned to socialize on a basic supportive level… what now? Well, here is the big scary step but you are ready for it. Start volunteering in your community at whatever level you are comfortable with. The local library, your kid’s school, and your city’s outreach programs are great places to inquire. Mentoring programs exist on many levels and are also very fulfilling. Just begin participating in your community in a function greater than yourself. It is likely that they will ask you to expand your roles and branch into bigger more important positions. You will build local connections and have more people view you as a vital and respected member of the community.
At the end of your journey, you may be very busy, but you will have achieved the goal of becoming a functional and respected member of your community. You can still have your Call of Duty lobby stress fests from time to time and binge-watch Generation Kill while yelling at the TV but you will also feel fulfilled and participatory. The community that you lost can be rebuilt anew. The upstanding local veteran is a figure that all communities need, and the veteran community needs you as an example of what they can achieve as well. I know you can do it. I believe in you.
Leave a Reply