Success is something we all seek out and need to see ourselves capable of for our own health and stability. It manifests itself in many sizes and forms, but for it to be real, we must acknowledge it. Autism has some unique traits and history of treatments that may cause unintended barriers in achieving and acknowledging success. Confidence, self-assurance, and faith in one’s actions are traits that create success as well as compound from achieving success, but these are not always focal points in autistic development.
There are three large issues that I have identified in treatment for developing autists, whether by a parent or professional. The first is excessive focus on disability. There is such a severe degree of focus put on boundaries and what “can’t” be done with the condition that the child has no significant observation of what they can do. This makes them hesitant to even try new skills or more complex testing of existing skills. This leads to the next issue, apprehension like this also plays into the development and high occurrence of imposter syndrome, which becomes a common issue as ASD kids transition into adults. Focus on what you cannot do and fear of new efforts certainly make it hard to be aware of the things you are capable and qualified for. The final issue is a parenting approach issue that might not be fun to talk about, the excessive use of punishment as opposed to reinforcement. Punishment has its place in development, but positive and negative reinforcement are primary elements of conditioning behaviors and supporting autistic treatments. There is a bright side though, we can institute practices that support these success related traits.
One of my favorite things with my kids is also an absolute requirement for myself, short- and medium-term projects. When I first got custody of my autistic son, he had many negative traits and unintended issues related to poorly developed treatment. We slowly comforted him into a positive capability focused household and one of the biggest jumps in development was our first technical project. I bought some beginner soldering board kits and within one Saturday he went from terrified to amazed by his own abilities. I bought two of each kit and made both kits myself explaining how to do everything and he followed at his own pace and comfort. I had not seen him so excited and proud in years. He logged an immense success in his mind that day and had it for reference forever. To this day when he gets unsure of himself, he says things like, “this is like when I thought I couldn’t solder, I can do this.” Establishing small victories creates belief and faith in oneself and that garners confidence. Later when his birthday came that year, he said that he wanted to do another project as his gift. He ended up building a mini pc from a Raspberry Pi and setting up the OS himself. He approached it far more independently and successfully having many completed projects under his belt at that point. These factual successes are also important to logically fight off feelings of imposter syndrome. When you can prove that you are capable you do not feel so incapable anymore.
Comfort is also a major component in being able to feel like you can perform the tasks for success. This is why certain types of gentle exposure are helpful to ASD children. Bring your kids with you to run errands and socially interact in public. Participate in school events or places your kids feel comfortable that also pushes their engagement. An extreme example, my son was very obsessed with the idea of shooting at the range but was quite uncomfortable with loud noises. We began by standing outside the range and watching through the glass. He did safe practices at home while we built up the confidence to do it himself at our gun club. Once he felt ready, we went into the lanes when no one else was there and shot a custom 22lr pistol with a suppressor that I built for him so that he had as little noise and concussion as possible. As he shot more, he focused on himself and dissociated the other shooters around him. He now has a 22lr rifle he bench shoots, uses my Glocks, and has a 12-gauge shotgun that he thoroughly enjoys using. It all took a long progression, and he still has some days that he is too overstimulated and does not want to deal with the range but when he does want to he can. This is the same process for slowly exposing him to cooking for himself and talking socially to others. Slow exposure until comfort overcomes discomfort. It is highly individualized with a major adaptive element but over time it works.
Too many people in the world think that success is limited or unlikely for ASD people and that may be something that our kids are exposed to at an age and time that affects them significantly. It does not have to stay as a valid perspective in their psyche. All of us can help develop the skills and personality traits that assist kids in achieving success. Put your supportive and loving foot forward where it is appropriate whether it be our kids, kids we mentor, family members, or community members. If I have learned anything from my time involved in community engagement it is that not enough people give kids positive and supportive attention.
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